Battle 8 vs. Immortality (Spanikopita and Dolmades)

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As I get ready to audition for MasterChef, Season 3... you may wonder why?  Why subject yourself to the tirades of Chef Gordon Ramsey?  Well, you should read the "Introduction" to this very blog - a chance to test my culinary skills in battle!

I mean, if you had... one shot... one opportunity... seize everything you ever wanted... one moment... would you capture it... or let it slip away...




Sure, if successful, there may only be 15 minutes of fame; however, it'll be experience to share with my family and friends... heck and something to tell my great-great-great-grandkids somedays...
a chance to be IMMORTAL!!!



To get myself "Psyched Up" (Note: Psyche has roots in mythology too!), it's a Greek-inspired battle!

vs. Leonidas!!!!

If a 2-D representation (on Hallow's Eve, 2011) doesn't scare you... how bout a 3-D one...

TALE OF THE TAPE:

QUINJA:  6-2-2
Leonidas: 0-1-0  (Remember, while the Bad News Bears or Chicago Cubs are lovable losers... the Spartans may be the most famous... I mean, they lost!!!)

Round 1:  vs his Henchman, D'OhL MADnESs

Weighing in at 1lb (Ground Beef)

Entourage (e.g., the 300): 3 Garlic Cloves, 3 Shallots, 2 Tablespoons of Fish Sauce, Grape Leaves (Half a Jar), 1 Tablespoon Sugar, 1 Tablespoon Salt, 1 Teaspoon Black Pepper, 1 Package of Lemongrass Stalks*

* I like the Lemongrass Stalk (finely chopped) because it releases the oils when I grill them and therefore tastes "more fresh."

Note: I shaped the one grape leave (you can buy them at most Middle Eastern Markets) because I like CANADA!!!

1. Combine all the ingredients by hand in a mixing bowl.
2. Wrap in grape leaves and use a toothpick (e.g., Baby Spears!).  Soak the toothpicks in water for about 30 minutes so they don't burn when grilling.  About a big spoonful of meat mixture per leaf.
3. Grill for a few minutes.  Note, I used a George Foreman Grill (after letting the grill come to temperature (about 5 minutes)) and it takes about 4 minutes to "grill."  I found that grilling removes the bitterness of the grape leaf juice.

Note: This one of the dishes at Battle at the Athenaneum post!

Victory for the QuinJa via Phalanxing!

Round 2: Will the QuinJa get SPANKopita'd?

Entourage: 1 package of Spinach, 1 package of Fillo Dough* (Can be used to make Strudel), Garlic, Butter, Feta Cheese (buy the unbroken kind - it's cheaper as you'll be cutting it anyway.)

*TIP: Fillo Dough must be thawed from the freezer and be kept under a damp cloth lest it crumbles like the Walls of Troy!

1. Melt butter.
2. Saute spinach with olive oil, add garlic, and salt and pepper (Nutmeg is optional).
3. Remove spinach, let cool, and mix with feta cheese.
3. Wrap the spinach/feta mixture into "paper American footballs."
4. Bake until golden... yes, like the Golden Fleece that Jason and the Argonauts retrieved!

Is it D'OhL MADnESs?


No, this is QUINJA!!!! NIKE! (That's victory in Greek!)

Battle 7 vs. North of "The Wall" Eh? (Part II)

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      *CELEBRITY BATTLE*

TALE OF THE TAPE:

QUINJA:  5-2-2  (representing the City of Brotherly Love and the Philadelphia FLYERS!)

"Cindy Crosby"  0-0-0 (representing Cluck Fu - Chicken)... Nuff said!  

Cindy weighs in at 5 lbs.

Entourage: Bouquet Garni (Thyme, Celery, Bay Leaf), Mirepoix (Celery, Carrot, Onion)

Ninja Technique: Roasting

1.  Remove the innards of the chicken.  Stuff with Bouquet Garni, Mirepoix, Season (Salt and Pepper).
2.  Tie the chicken (to keep the stuffing in).  (e.g., Send Cindy to the penalty box.)  Try to avoid putting the rope near the breast so it will look nicer and unmarked!  I mean, why would anyone want to ruin a nice breast with tattoos or piercings... wait, I disgress... back to the kitchen...
3.  Sear the legs and side to keep the juices in!
4.  Bake at 425F for 15 minutes.
5.  Bake at 400F for 15 minutes.
6.  Bake at 375F for 15 minutes.
7.  Bake at 350F for 90 minutes.
Baste with the juices every now and then.  You want to end with a temperature of 180F.
In the case of poultry, you do not want to undercook or keep it rare for food safety!
You want clear juices coming from the bird not pink.




VICTORY!  I mean, what did you expect... Good always vanquishes Evil!  I assure you that Cindy was faking illness (Note: Concussions are no joking manner!) and his tears are just representing how "moist" the bird was!

You can buy the Oxo cutting board and Kitchen-Aid oven thermometer from Amazon!

Battle 7 vs. North of "The Wall" Eh? (Part I)

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 In my last battle (Battle 6), I made references to Game of Thrones with "Fall is Coming."  As such, I've watched the 1st Season on HBO and I absolutely SUPERHATE (Remember ninjas hate everything - after all, it's hard to assassinate cute things like puppies or kittens!) some of the characters - I can't believe a TV show has elicited such strong feelings from me!

Well, given that Canadian Thanksgiving happens in early-mid October (Columbus Day in the US) and the fact that I found early cooking footage when my lady friends from Canada (OK, my friends aren't supermodel/actresses but Angie, Daley, Dara and Leah (non-Canadian) are still pretty cool and incredibly smart) visited for dinner...

FUN FACT: About the hyperlink above... Elisha Cuthbert (of "24" fame is one of the American girls that Collin meets in "Love Actually."  Emmanuelle Chriqui is "Sloan" on "Entourage."  BTW - I'll give a shout out to Cobie Smulders of "How I Met Your Mother" - it's a pretty funny show!

CULINARY FUN FACT:  Ever wonder what makes CANOLA OIL?  It actually has origins in Canada!  Get it, "CANadian Oil, Low Acid" in 1978.

Onward to the battle...                         *CELEBRITY BATTLE*

TALE OF THE TAPE:

QUINJA:  4-2-2

George "Rush" St. Pierre:  0-0-0 (representing Mushroom a la Grecque or Greek-Style Mushrooms)  "Rush" does rhyme with "Mush" and Mr. St. Pierre turns his opponents into "mush" in the Octagon!

"FUN GUY" weighs in at about 8 oz (e.g., 1 carton of Cremini or White Button Mushrooms - Quartered).

Entourage:  Onion (1/8 Diced), Garlic (Dice), Coriander (Crush), White Wine, Bouquet Garni, Tomato Paste (Optional), Lemon Juice, Parsley (for garnish)

1. Sweat onions (no coloration) and garlic.
2. Add mushroom*, salt, coriander seed (crush), bouqet garni, deglaze with white wine.
3. Cover with parchment paper and simmer 10-15 minutes.
4. Add chopped parsley and lemon juice (optional).

*Ninja Technique: Mushrooms are very delicate so clean them by wiping them with a damp cloth.  They will shrink significantly while cooking.  Any vegetable can be substituted for mushrooms in this recipe.  For example, you can use carrots.  The carrots should be boiled and blanched first (e.g., get very salty water boiling, add carrots, when they are soft, put them into an ice bath to maintain their color).

Ninja Technique: Coriander seeds need to be crushed otherwise your guest my bite into a powerful surprise (Note: If you want to be sneaky and mean like a ninja then do not crush them - it will be poignant.).  You can do this by rolling them over with your Chef's Knife or Santoku Blade!

Mushroom a la Grecque:


VICTORY!  Hey, no decisions here... I finish fights!

Battle 6 vs. Autumn - Fall is Coming! (Red Wine Sangria Sorbet)

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Signs & Portents from the last rain-induced battle with Rihanna could only harken that "Fall is Coming..."

Sorry, "Winter is Coming" but not yet...

vs Haagen, Anh & Dazs

TALE OF THE TAPE:

QUINJA:  3-2-2

Haagen, Anh, Dazs:  1-1-1

In our last battle (July 2011), it was a Nguyen (pronounced "Win"), Laos, and a Thai... Get it?  (OK, that was corny funny... you should laugh!).  Now, they've come back with another frozen battle...

RED WINE SANGRIA (A great taste to bid farewell to Summer!).... weighing in at 1.5 Cups!

Entourage: 
1 Cup Sugar, Peels from 2 Lemons (Cut in Strips), Peels from 2 Oranges (Cut in Strips), 1 Cinnamon Stick, 1/2 Cup of Lemon Juice, 1/2 of Orange Juice, 4 Tablespoons of Grand Marnier (Orange Liqueur), 2-4 Peaches (Peeled, Pitted & Chopped - to taste), 1.5 Cups of Water

1. Make a citrus syrup!  1.5 Cups of Water + 1 Cup Sugar + Peels (Lemon & Orange) + Cinnamon Stick.  Boil and reduce for about 20 minutes.  Remove Peels.  Put in freezer to cool it down (about 30 minutes).
2. Puree!  Add peaches, then citrus syrup, then juices, then red wine!
TIP: Use "pulse" on the blender on the chopped peaches to get them going!
3. Finish Him!  In an ice cream maker (about 30 minutes) and then give it the Sub-Zero freezer treatment!



Victory!  Again, the number of peaches will help you with flavor control... add more for sweetness!

Note: I stabbed a few times with a spoon to give you an idea of the texture!  That's right... in a knife fight, the QuinJa brings a spoon!

Oxo Products like the citrus juicer or angled measuring cups can be found on Amazon!